I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
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I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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