I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize