just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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