I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
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