Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
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