I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize