sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
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he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
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