and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
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