Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Randomize