She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
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He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
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you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
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