you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
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