I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
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