she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
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Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
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