what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
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