Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Tell her she can't have a vagina
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
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He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
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Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
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