the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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