I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize