it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
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Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
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Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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