I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
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