I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Your penis caused this!
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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