Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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