She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
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