You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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