so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
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