Just cropdusted the office
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
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there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
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we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
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