I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
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