I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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