It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
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you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
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Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
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