Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
operation harelip BJ is a go
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
where are my eyebrows?
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