If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
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Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
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All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
whose ass print is on the piano?
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
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