i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize