i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
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I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
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also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
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