ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize