Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
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He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
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Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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