Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize