I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I take back everything I said about communal showers
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip πππ
Your skills amaze me
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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