Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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