i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
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I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
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one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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