If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize