I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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