Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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