I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
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Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
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You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Randomize