I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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