jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Randomize