I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize