If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
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what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
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