i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
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When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
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