How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
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Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
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I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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