We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Randomize