It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
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